1st Sunday of Lent

Marriage Catechesis – Part 4

       A few final items about Marriage. Maybe as you read the requirements, expectations, and typical marriage preparation, you thought to yourself, “Hmmm, that’s not exactly what we did.” Sometimes marriage prep varies from parish to parish, diocese to diocese, and certainly from the 1940s to the 1970s to 2026. Sometimes what you may have done is not valid in the Catholic Church. Maybe you just went to the Justice of the Peace or the County Clerk and picked up a marriage license. At the time, perhaps your Catholic Faith was not particularly important, you’d drifted away, life happened, or whatever, but now you are back, active & engaged in your Catholic Faith. What does that now mean for your union? That is a good question. And not one that I can answer universally in a Pastoral Note. It is best we meet to discuss your situation. That said, it is quite possible that you can “get your marriage blessed in the Church” by a process called a “Convalidation” (which literally means “with validity”).

      Convalidation is actually the wedding from the Church’s point of view, even if you did the white dress and tuxedo years ago somewhere else and you have no need to put either on again today. Believe it or not, but more than 50% of all “weddings” I assist with every year are Convalidations. In 2025, I officiated 16 wedding marriages. Of those 16, 10 were convalidations! And while the couple may dress up and invite some close family, friends, and children to the ceremony, rarely is it the full da-da-da-dum march down the aisle with a full bridal party, flowers, or music. You probably never heard word one about them, even though chances are good you knew one of the persons. I say this only to make the point, I’m here to help.

      There are lots of reasons why a Convalidation may be required. Perhaps the proper Catholic form, ceremony, or ritual was not utilized. Maybe, there was some sort of obstacle or impediment that has now been resolved or been removed. Maybe, one of the couples gave improper or invalid consent the ‘first time’.

     Sometimes, prior to a marriage or a Convalidation, it is necessary to walk with one or both of the couple through a Declaration of Nullity case, commonly called an “Annulment.” These arise when one of the two persons desiring to marry was in a prior union. Per Canon 1060, “Marriage possesses the favor of the law; therefore, in a case of doubt, the validity of a marriage must be upheld until the contrary is proven.” What this means is, we presume all marriages are truly valid marriages until they are shown to not be. This includes those marriages by non-Catholics and Catholics where a prior spouse is still alive (It’s death do you part!). There are different types, reasons, and grounds for establishing that a prior union was not what God established as a marriage or was not in some way binding unto death. However, since Marriage is public, so too is the process of determining that validity. In all honesty, this can be a very time consuming and difficult process. Yet, I’ve assisted couples in that hard work and waiting. There are people on the parish staff, including myself, that are equipped to assist you with your particular situation. Please come talk, before trying to make that determination on your own.

      A few last thoughts. As a Catholic, you should never officiate at a wedding ceremony. Not for a loved one, friend, or family member. If you knowingly ‘officiate’ at a union of another Catholic, both you and that other person(s) could be automatically excommunicated. It's serious stuff. Excommunication means you are not in a public state to receive Holy Communion. If you already did this before you ‘knew’, please speak with me. It can be lifted & forgiven, but – yes, you guessed it – you’ll be talking to me and maybe the Archbishop (will have to be consulted). Why? Because Marriage is a sacred holy thing. To step into the officiant role is to simulate a Sacrament and to give a public witness that Marriage is something other than what God has established it to be. In the Church, as in society, we have laws to protect and keep safe what needs protecting. (If you get elected/appointed/hired as a judge or county clerk, someday, let’s talk. Civilly that may be a required responsibility, but you must do so in a manner that is morally and spiritually in accord with your Catholic Faith.)

    Similarly, if you are asked to attend a civil union or wedding ceremony of a Catholic who was previously married or of a same-sex union or some other situation, please feel free to contact me so we can talk through what would be best for you as a Catholic. One’s presence at events can be tacit approval. We should be slow to give approval to that which is not true, good, or holy.

Nothing Less than saints for the Holy Family of God.

Holy Family, Strengthened by Holy Marriage, Pray for us.

~ Fr Jeremy M. Gries