6th Sunday Ordinary Time

Marriage Catechesis – Part 3

Can. 1066 Before a marriage is celebrated, it must be evident that nothing stands in the way of its valid and licit celebration.

      For this reason, Marriage Preparation is generally required for persons engaged to be married. The intention of Marriage Preparation is to educate & ensure that both the bride & groom understand the institution of marriage with all its inherent responsibilities and burdens as well as helping the specific couple to prayerfully discern if marriage to this specific other is desirable and good. It is not the role of the preparer (priest, deacon, delegated lay person) to tell the couple yes or no to their particular marriage, but to help the couple to attain the mental, emotional, physical freedom & knowledge to say yes or no. I often tell engaged couples, “If you can’t say ‘no’ to this marriage, you are not free to say ‘yes’… even while, I hope you will keep saying yes!”

      Most Marriage Preparation includes: 1) meetings with the priest/preparer to discuss the theology of marriage and general readiness, 2) an Engaged Encounter Experience (where presentations of pertinent areas of marriage success are discussed, such as communication & conflict resolution skills, Natural Family Planning, family finances, family of origin discussions, etc.), 3) a premarital inventory assessment (which helps identify areas for growth & discussion) for the couple, 4) meeting with a parish sponsor couple to discuss the identified areas of growth or discussion, and of course, 5) regular participation in parish life & Mass. [The Church generally expects a Catholic to have received the Sacrament of Confirmation prior to Marriage as well (Can 1065).]

      Part of the Marriage Preparation looks to ensure there are no known obstacles (aka, “Impediments”) to the engaged couple getting married. Each of the couple must be free to marry (i.e., not previously married, ordained, or in a permanent religious vow). They must be old enough (>17 by Indiana civil law). Not related by blood, marriage, or adoption. Of general sound mind & body, including the ability to have conjugal relations and no known psychological issues or addictions – if treated or under appropriate care, these need not be an impediment. The Church wants to make sure the couple gets the help it needs, even if that means medical or mental assistance! We also want to make sure there is no form of force, fear, or coercion. Each person must be capable of giving free consent to the marriage. As you can imagine, when I go through the standard, Archdiocese of Indianapolis provided, intake questionnaire to verify no obstacles, I get more than an occasional chuckle or laugh. They always “hope they’re not related!!!”

      Generally speaking, the Church expects a minimum of 6 months for this marriage preparation and prayerful discernment prior to the Wedding Date. Realistically, in today’s world of venues and full calendars, the couple and I generally start meeting more than a year before the wedding. Once you get engaged, before lining up the reception venue, caterer, etc, please, please, please, reach out to your pastor!

      Especially, since as a Catholic, you are expected (and if both are Catholic) required to have your marriage in a Catholic Church or Chapel (Can 1118). Sorry no barns, lakes, or beaches – also no courtrooms, county clerk’s offices, backyards or parks. Remember, Marriage is a Sacrament, and Sacraments typically take place in Church! That is one of the reasons we Catholic Christians have consecrated such spaces – for holy & sacred acts. And the joining of a Christian man & woman in the Holy Sacrament of Marriage is most certainly a holy & sacred act. If either the bride or the groom is not Catholic (i.e., a baptized non-Catholic Christian or non-baptized person), then with permission of the Archbishop, it may be possible to arrange to hold the marriage in another church, oratory, or suitable place. I’ve even been present to assist at weddings in Protestant denomination wedding ceremonies. It is always best to speak with your pastor to discuss your particulars long before you make arrangements so I can assist & guide you in what we do as Catholic Christians.

Nothing Less than saints for the Holy Family of God.

Holy Family, Strengthened by Holy Marriage, Pray for us.

~ Fr Jeremy M. Gries